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Lutonian
Asian Moderator
United Kingdom
6068 Posts
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Posted - 24 Jul 2004 : 21:28:00
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In an attempt to influence the members of the
International Olympic Committee on their choice of
venue for the games in the year 2012, the organisers
of East London's bid have already drawn up an itinerary
and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is
reproduced below.
OPENING CEREMONY
The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb
thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the
Bethnal Green area), wearing the traditional baseball cap & hoody top. The flame will be contained in a large kebab van situated
on the roof of the stadium.
THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic games, East London's competitors have
not been particularly successful. In order to redress
the balance, some of the events have been altered
slightly to the advantage of local "athletes".
100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and
microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of
the starting pistol, a Police dog will be released from
a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
100 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (ie. car bonnets,
hedges,g ardens, fences, walls etc.)
HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of
hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc). The winner
will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily
harm to members of the public within the time allowed.
FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen
silver and jewellery as possible in 5 mins.
SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from the local men in
this event. The first target will be a moving Police
van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a
post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor style
wages delivery man.
BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and
wife teams and will take place on a Friday night. The
husband will be given 10 pints of stella while the wife
be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The
bout will then commence.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the University
Of East London bike shed and take an expensive mountain
bike owned by some mummy's boy from the country on his
first trip away from home.
All against the clock!!
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above but the bike will be owned by a visiting
member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness
the theft.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering,
flashing, joy riding and arson.
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided, but the
competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags
with which to pick up litter on their way round the
course.
SWIMMING
Competitors will be thrown off the Queen Elizabeth bridge at Dartford into the River Thames. The first three survivors back to The Old Stoat and Whelk, Stepney Green will decide the medals.
MENS 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled ast he
Police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking
the streets of Limerick.
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by
members of the Tower Hamlets Health in the Community
anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing and
music by the Blackwall Tunnel Community Choir. The
Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping
an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of
flats next to the stadium.
The stadium will then be boarded up before the local
athletes break into it and remove all the copper
piping and the central heating boiler.
I Just Lay It Out...For Yo' All To Play It Out... |
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babygal
Super Duper Asian
United Kingdom
2768 Posts
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Posted - 24 Jul 2004 : 22:38:29
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LOL, a bit long tho!!
Am A GuD gYal CORRUPTED by bad TiNg$! |
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ssssima
Senior Asian
United Kingdom
1862 Posts
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Posted - 25 Jul 2004 : 00:33:21
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Lolzzz!
Tu...Tu h@i WoHi DiL n£ Ji$e @pNa k@ha Tu Ha! JaHa Mei Ho WaHa Ub YeH Je£n@ TeRe BiN Ha! $aZ@ MiL JaYe i$ TaRa Do L£hRe Ji$ TaRa PhiR Ho Na JuDa@ Ha@n Yeh Wad@ Rah@ |
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Fabia
Super Duper Asian
United Kingdom
2691 Posts
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Posted - 25 Jul 2004 : 22:53:47
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lolz x
"He who kneels before Almighty Allah swt; can stand before anyone!"
"O Allah, let our last days be the best days of our life and our last deeds be the best deeds, and let the best day be the day we meet You."
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sweet_as_suga
Super Duper Asian
United Kingdom
4655 Posts
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Posted - 27 Jul 2004 : 15:32:39
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lolz my eyes nearly galze ova but i got der in da end!!
.•:*¨`*:•.mi§§iÑ ù I§ Likè BrèâthiÑ- I jù§t çâÑ't §tôp.•:*´¨*:•. |
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khushi
Asian Moderator
Tuvalu
3605 Posts
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Posted - 27 Jul 2004 : 16:03:26
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hehehe
~ ~ When The Going Gets Tough ~ The Tough Gets Going ~ ~ |
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Amina
Super Duper Asian
United Kingdom
5028 Posts
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Posted - 11 Aug 2004 : 21:12:34
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ha ha
live life 2 d ful xtent |
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