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aisha hussain
Starting Member
United Kingdom
3 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jan 2004 : 23:18:55
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do you fink love is important in a marriage or do u just go for people who care for you??????
aisha hussain |
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BaByRaZ
Moderator
Fiji
223 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jan 2004 : 23:43:38
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Salaamz...
hmm... i tink dat carin is part of lurve... lurve can b show in difrent ways... N lurve does grow in d situation...soo id say dat lurve n care both r important ingrdients in a relationship!! |
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fazzy
Moderator
United Kingdom
294 Posts
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Posted - 24 Jan 2004 : 15:38:59
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WAH BAHI WAH.lol.... go DR RAZ.....lol....hai!!!!!!!!!!!
*.*Faz*.* :) |
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aisha hussain
Starting Member
United Kingdom
3 Posts
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Posted - 24 Jan 2004 : 22:27:47
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wat would you do if ur married, and youve been married for atleast 4 years, but you dont love your husband and out of the blue you meet a person, your frends with that person but your feelings grow strongly towards him???????i mean your not going out or wat eva but just are more than gud m8s!!!!!do you fink if i get hypmotised to love my husband then, will it happen!!!! im trufly fedup wit myself, every1 finks im selfish but only i no wats happenin to me!!!!im not happy man wat do i do, dnt say DIVORCE coz its easy sed than done, plz plz plz prescribe me wit summat. by da who r u guys n where r u based????
aisha hussain |
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BaByRaZ
Moderator
Fiji
223 Posts
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Posted - 25 Jan 2004 : 18:39:44
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| hmmm.. i tink u nid pateincy... tlk2ur husband... dicus wher u guys can improve ur realtionship n if it dnt wrk out den figure wat u can do... u cant jus liv ur hole lyf wiv out dat hubby luv??? can u now? n if divorce is d only door 2 ed 2 den take it...i kno its nt easy bt take ur days asit cums... n kip pray 2 Allah (swt) he wil guide U 2 d ryt path.... Ameen... x |
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fazzy
Moderator
United Kingdom
294 Posts
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Posted - 26 Jan 2004 : 09:41:18
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Hey Aisha...ask urslf 1 question....iz d persn ur fallin 4 really worth all the pain n hassel ur gna cause urslf and ur family....????
ok u may not have thoez strong feelings for ur huby...bt tym is a healer....if ur husband luvs u den u gt 2 tink!
mayb his love 4 u will sum day find a place in ur hart.....
dnt rush it...i kno 4 years iz alot...bt if u do decide 2 divorce im den its nt jus gna b 4 years of constant hassel its gna b a lyf tym....
n if ur hubby is good 2 u jus stick wit him cuz u dnt find many ppl nowdays dat r so commited....BELIEVE ME.......
*.*Faz*.* :) |
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 26 Jan 2004 : 10:35:54
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A few questions if you dont mind:
Why did you get married? (Arranged/love)
How old are you?
And whats the best thing about your husband? |
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aisha hussain
Starting Member
United Kingdom
3 Posts
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Posted - 26 Jan 2004 : 18:40:25
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hi, fanx 4 alda morral support ur providing me wit, i need my head clearing abit coz i can't talk 2any1 about it. Get me?????
im 23 and it woz an arranged marriage.the best thing about my husband is that he lets me do wat ever but the worst thing about him is that, if we have a little argument in the hoousse den he's on the next fone call to pakistan!!!dat pisses me of.
can u plz plz plz help me???? is there any dua dat makes me start luving me husband from da hart?????
by da way r u guys based in burton n trent??????
aisha hussain |
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 26 Jan 2004 : 22:23:28
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Im sure evryone agrees that we're more than happy to help as much as possible!
So what do u argue about? Is it serious? Or does it get blown out of proportion? |
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fazzy
Moderator
United Kingdom
294 Posts
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Posted - 27 Jan 2004 : 20:08:52
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hey aisha......try nt 2 consentrate on d bad points of u hubby.... consentrate on the good points.....im sure u'l find sumthin that pulls u closer 2 ur hubby....
*.*Faz*.* :) |
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Rani
Moderator
United Kingdom
757 Posts
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Posted - 29 Jan 2004 : 15:06:48
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| yeh course u need love in a marriage. otherwise it wont work out |
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 29 Jan 2004 : 21:54:56
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| whats the difference between love and care? (no cheeky comments please!) |
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Rani
Moderator
United Kingdom
757 Posts
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Posted - 30 Jan 2004 : 00:00:15
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| well admin ji u can care for anyone as a friend also love anyone as a friend, but theres a different type of love for ur wife/husband gf/bf something special . i mean u can care for ur partner but if u just don love them whats the point. if i dont make sense im sowwyyyy. dont think i am making sense lol |
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 30 Jan 2004 : 15:54:09
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| nah u make sense rani ji, can u care for someone and not love them and vice versa? |
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BaByRaZ
Moderator
Fiji
223 Posts
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Posted - 31 Jan 2004 : 13:32:36
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| i tink dat can apen... |
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 02 Feb 2004 : 22:36:36
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| u sure raz? u talking from experience?! |
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kash_ahm
Starting Member
1 Posts
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Posted - 10 Mar 2004 : 11:32:43
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Salaam to all,
Personnally I dont know why divorse is even mentioned. It is the most hated of all that is allowed by Allah and so that shouldnt be promoted. Especially where aisha is asking for help in sorting out her life.
Well of course I aint gonna prescribe any magic solutions, that is impossible since none of us can know everything in your head and I dont think even you will know the exact reason for the lack of "spark".
My own opinion is that love will always develop between two people that share a life together. If you and your husband dont have things to do or friends to meet then you wont have a life together.
This new guy, well lets face it seeing him isnt helping so cut him out. Hard to say when I havent even met anyone or know anyone...but on the face of it....you want your marriage to work but seeing this other guy (even as a friend) that is difficult so cut him out.
I hope I dont offend anyone, just a few thoughts.
Kashif |
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 10 Mar 2004 : 12:03:19
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| Thanks for your contribution Kashif! Much appreciated! |
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Rani
Moderator
United Kingdom
757 Posts
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Posted - 13 Mar 2004 : 23:16:46
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quote:
Originally posted by admin
nah u make sense rani ji, can u care for someone and not love them and vice versa?
ok to care for some one u have to love that person. if u do not love a person how can u not care thats one thing i dont understand. theres different types of love isnt there?
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admin
Forum Admin
United Kingdom
1541 Posts
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Posted - 16 Mar 2004 : 11:37:53
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| i dont think a marriage will last without love and if it does it will be a painful one. |
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Honey
Starting Member
United Kingdom
19 Posts
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Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 16:49:49
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Love in anything is important because it evokes compassion and emotion which all humans need. I do not think that it is fair or right to stay with a person because you either fear being alone and secondly because you think that no other man will treat you right. There is whole world out there full of people so it would be ignorant for you to think that no other man will treat you right.
The best thing for any relationship is time and space-divorce is not the whole answer but it is best to try other things first before getting to divorce. For starters, talking and being honest, if you do not love your husband you gotta ask why you don't, and if you are newly wed and its arranged have u given it enough time to develop. Love isnt like a film it takes time for the mind to trust someone but it takes less time for you heart too. Secondly you could seek councilling, help and even mediation, if your husband wants you he will do all to keep u. If you have children, then it is best to try and ressolve issues amicably rather then living a lie.
the worse thing a person can do is make someone else beleived they are being loved when thats not the case. Honesty is something you need and perhaps this rough patch will bring you closer....a risk but everything is a risk.
Love
Honey |
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The Legend
Starting Member
United Kingdom
16 Posts
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Posted - 18 Mar 2004 : 13:39:46
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Hi aisha,
you ask whether love is important, i think it is. If it wasnt you wouldnt be having doubts about being with your husband.
It sounds like at the moment you dont love your husband. but dont force yourself to love him. Maybe you two just need to find something in common about yourselfs that takes time, and arguments always happen in relationships- they make you stronger. Maybe you two are not ment to be together. What ever happens- always remember Allah does what is best.
what honey said is true, and i know it works. the more you talk to someone, the less secrets you hide the better your relationship is.
One last thing I want to say, you wanted a dua to make you love your husband, well thats wrong- dont do that, instead there is a namaz that you can read and at then end in the dua you ask god your question, ie should i buy a ferrari or not (only kidding), something like should you leave my husband etc. When you sleep, in your dreams god will give you guidance.
well i hope ive helped you a bit, and no im not from burton, im from BIRMINGHAM
THE LEGEND
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Edited by - The Legend on 18 Mar 2004 13:43:24
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Shea
Average Member
USA
693 Posts
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Posted - 19 Mar 2004 : 16:21:09
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What the hell kind of question is this???
Love is the basis of marriage, unless you are blackmailed into it... but yeah, Love is the key element in relationship, marriages, child bearing, and a lot of things, but certainly in marriage. The reason most people fall in and out of love is because they dont feel love, but infatuation. Once you are in love, you dont fall out of it, it stays there forever.
And the embers never change, in my city by the lake... |
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SKY
Average Member
USA
738 Posts
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Posted - 19 Mar 2004 : 16:31:46
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Peter: Wanna race? On your mark, get set, go! First one to the marker where that Pakistani girl fell through the ice after coming to the States to get treatment for her severely burned face which she got when the man she refused to marry dumped sulfuric acid on her wins. I win. Yes! Yes! In your face! In your face!
And I thought this only happens in the movies....
Anyone know where this is from tho? =)
dp |
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SKY
Average Member
USA
738 Posts
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Posted - 19 Mar 2004 : 16:34:49
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In rare cases, a couple might marry to merge estates or company holdings, or for other cases of financial security. Love doesn't necessarily have to be part of this.
Love however, is a necessary part of a happy marriage. Unless of course your're blackmailed into it, and fearing getting splashed in the face with acid, you have to live a lie, pretending to be happy.
dp |
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Shea
Average Member
USA
693 Posts
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Posted - 19 Mar 2004 : 16:39:20
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Love is quite essential to a happy marriage, as my friend sky pointed out. But can you really have a SUCCESFUL marraige without love? Maybe. The rare cases of that would be when Anna Nicole Smith married that rich OLD man and only after a few months, he died and she got all his estates. The marriage was a sham, but she ended up being very very succesful.
I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you |
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SKY
Average Member
USA
738 Posts
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Posted - 19 Mar 2004 : 22:12:48
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yeah, i know what im talking about, i just dont care enough to be serious about it in a forum.
dp |
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Shea
Average Member
USA
693 Posts
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Posted - 19 Mar 2004 : 22:28:33
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yeah thats true
I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you |
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MoMo
Moderator
United Kingdom
288 Posts
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Posted - 20 Mar 2004 : 19:47:30
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Hey Aisha
In marriage der's 2 types of love...da love dat happens from da start n feels so raw n lyk it neva guna end....bt ova da years it fades n fades til u cnt evn memba wat it feels lyk...it may start off strong bt shea's ryt itz jst infatuation....
Den der's da uda type of love....where it grows bit by bit day by day...at first it myt not feel lyk love..bt over da years it grows so mch n u get so used 2 da person u married 2 tht u cant imagine ur lyf widout dem..lyk all ur dreams n hopes involve dat person n ur world includes dat person....das wat true love is..n das wat usually happens in successful arranged marriages(das wat ma parents went thru). U myt not fink u love ur husband. Bt ask urself dis....how dyu imagine ur lyf widout him?
i hope u find a good solution. GOOD LUKXXXX |
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Honey
Starting Member
United Kingdom
19 Posts
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Posted - 22 Mar 2004 : 12:21:09
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I think for someone to question if love is important is ignorant or silly. Love is always important in all you do and i agree with Sky and Momo it is easy to get mixed into thinking that you are in love with somewhen when that may not be the case. All the same, it is the feeling of being in love most people enjoy and in a marriage there is a unification both legally and emotionally and if you ifnore ur emotions then you will be sad and lonely and not only that you will neglect and fail to see that love is in all you do....
Honey Loves life
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london-finest
Junior Member
United Kingdom
347 Posts
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Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 00:27:07
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well aisha i read some of the other replies to your problems but in a marrige u dnt just have love u need to care for each other give them moral support and u need to contemplate on why u do no love ur houseband when he understands u and lets u do what ever yu want and why and why u fallen for another guy rather then ur houseband
hope it helps |
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