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Serene Posted - 22 Mar 2004 : 15:36:16
Ok, I have several problems going on...

At the moment my parents have arranged my marriage to a cousin I know but do not love and he lives in another country, he's also 27 (I'm 18).
I have a boyfriend from America who I met online, and he is of a totally different religion but says he would convert to Islam. He suggests that I just run away. I could but would I be entitled to protection from my parents? (I know they would kill me if they ever found me) What am I supposed to do? I can't fight them by negotiations and such, they know my feelings on this. But they won't listen and they do not know about my boyfriend. God forbid they ever find that out.

I'm also still haunted by my past which involved dirty-minded cousins and a twat who just wanted to get into my pants (but didn't).
I was grateful for meeting my boyfriend cuz he's the only thing good thing that has come into my life so far...

Can anyone help me?

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
30   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
Shea Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 18:50:35
wow serene, that is a HUGE step towards independence... but if that is what you want, then more power to ya! I hope you find happiness where ever you end up!

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
Serene Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 15:26:59
Awww~ that's sweet of you to offer a place, but I don't think my boyfriend would want that. :x

Yes I definetly want to move to America, I just want to be as far away as possible from the UK. I just know too many people here and if I had met someone here and they wanted to stay here, I would never hear the end of it. You know what some cultures are a nosy sort of way. They also judge you straight away. It's not right.

Who knows? I might be able to meet you someday. ^^

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
SKY Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 14:22:32
You shouldn't feel like a freak. You seem perfectly normal =P

About the commonwealth office, that's really awesome. You should totally move out and come to the States. You might want to finish your studies in the UK, if youre still doing them, before you come to the States, however. Just be like you're not getting married till you finish school, and then when you're done, run away.

If you want, you can definitely live with us. We should be able to accomodate you and your boyfriend. Just an option =)

d p

Serene Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 13:54:27
;__; This just depresses me even more. I feel like a FREAK! ;___;

Anyway back on topic.

I have written to the Commonwealth office and they can help me move away, without being traced. I have decided to move to America. There are plenty of homes over there I can seek refuge in, so whether or not things work out with my boyfriend I'll still have a home, and a fresh start. I might move somewhere nice like California or Arizona. Meh. *shrugs*

Tell me what you guys think. :)

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Shea Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 03:32:50
ughhh, its not just here. in schools, social gatherings, club meetings, there are always science v. God... its just sickening because faith and fact are two TOTALLY opposite things. You cna believe in god and over look science or you can disobey God and read the textbooks... its all opinions anyways! I dont know why people make such big deals when people are proved wrong, though! Oh well, i dont think any religions were insulted in this case.

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
SKY Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 02:19:35
Don't believe what people tell you about whats happening here. There are only 2 pages to read, and since most of the controvery involves me/shea/fcukhash, you have a total of 7 or 8 posts to read. Don't take anyone's word for it but yours.

d p

admin Posted - 30 Mar 2004 : 00:23:54
Science complements Islam and vice versa. Incest does increase the chances of genetic disorder but I believe ultimately Allah (SWT) decides who has it and how doesnt.

Tanya please try not to use bad language in here, the dissing room is for specifically that purpose so please vent your anger in there.

And i dont want to hear anyone dissing religion as thats what i've been told what is happening here, please respect each others beliefs and if u do not agree with someone then please try to explain it in a constructive manner.

"98% of the time i'm right, why worry about the other 3%?"
Shea Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 19:15:06
yeah, we didnt use bad languages or anything. Shy wrote up his nice little biology stuff and i just backed it up. And I think Hash is the religious type so he was offended by SCIENCE over RELIGION. Its all good though, i didnt get a chance to read what he wrote... hehehe, no more flaming though! Leaving it to the Flames/Disses section.

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
SKY Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 18:24:41
What are you talking about? I can't tell whether you are joking, trying to be joking, or actually serious.

We just presented the other side of the discussion. Islam is a religion based upon knowledge. The Quran asks that people use their intellect, that they know things.
The hadith literature is also full of references to the importance of knowledge.
You can't just pick and choose certain aspects and ideas of Islam to believe. You either get the package deal, or you don't get it all. I'm trying to be informative about children born under incest with genetic problems. If you don't like it, don't bother reading it. Tell your HASH not to comment on my post if he disagrees with it. If he can't resist commenting, at least tell him to write an intelligible reply which doesn't include swearing, unless he wants a whole slew of feedback to deal with.

I agree that God decides who has a genetic disorder and who doesn't, but you have no way of being certain who has it or not. It's not completely random. If you have a strain which is defective, the chances are high that someone within your family might have that same defect. If you mate with that person to produce an offspring, the chances are that much higher that he/she will receive both those strains and have some kind of defect. I don't know how to explain that in simpler terms. Sure, God decides who has it or not, but He also wants you to be knowledgeable in the scientific aspects of the case.
Think about it, if you left everything up to God, you wouldn't need to do anything at all. If God wanted you to have a good job, you wouldn't need to get an education. You would just have a good job.

I wrote this while doing homework, so I really hope you understand what I'm saying.
LiL_MizZ_TaNyA Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 17:53:46
elo...........y u blockin ma HASH???? admins a nasty suka!!!!!!!
n dnt bota deletin dis.....owwwww dare u put sarky comments bout hash 2 go n kiss god...u low lyf n shea...u lot aint worth da s*** unda ma bro hashs shoes....wat da fuk u lot tryin 2 argue wid him 4???
i fink u 2 need da direction 2 d circus cus we dnt need crkd jokas lyk u.......n da only deformd thing dat was born is u 2 JACKASSSESSSS......sooo hell wid u 2.....u fools........ n if a child is deformed in anyway....then that is cus ALLAH (SWT) has made them, unique....ok...... sooooo lyk sed HELL WID U 2.....

SiNgLe, SeXy N SwEET aT 16..... Im Da QUEeN WiD DA BLinG BLinG...da ReaL RuDe GyAL WiV Da cEll FnE RiNg-InG.....WhiLe I SiT oN mA ThRoNe SinG-InG....Im BLessEd iN mA fLesH... So DnT MeSS.... I AM Da BEST....
admin Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 16:43:53
Sky, Shea, Hash, i dont want to see u guys going off topic again or using bad langauge, you are spoiling it for everyone. And more importantly I do not expect moderators to react the way u do, you are supposed to be setting an example, you really are letting urselves down.

"98% of the time i'm right, why worry about the other 3%?"
SKY Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 15:58:43
You don't have to apologize BaByRaZ. We already did.

BaByRaZ Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 15:45:54
we have a hiden copy.... it is unda construction so plz bare wiv us...thnx 4ur patiency...
(but dnt tel admin)lololol
sory serene... d boys r really welbaved jus sumtyms dey go abit iffywiffy!
*so wat conclusions av u cum up wiv den serene??
has dis bin ne gud 4 u so far??

Serene Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 15:20:39
I'm the one who made this thread so do I not have the right to see what was posted? :(

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
SKY Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 13:23:19
Hahahahahahhahahahahaa, can I at least see what he wrote?

admin Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 01:04:40
hash, please do not use bad langauge in this forum, the dissign forum is there to take our ur frustration so use it. thanks!

"98% of the time i'm right, why worry about the other 3?"
BaByRaZ Posted - 28 Mar 2004 : 23:49:38
hmmm true hash...
i kinda cudnt folow d boys...
but u guys b friends now!!!lol

FCUK_HASH Posted - 28 Mar 2004 : 23:44:35
Deleted by Admin
BaByRaZ Posted - 28 Mar 2004 : 22:59:12

SKY Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 21:55:28
So are we all cool with each other?

Shea Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 15:57:12
yeah same here, serene. I think we went too far to prove hash wrong, that we just lost track of things, moving out on a tangent. I too, am sorry, but yeah... if you need someone to talk to, we're here... actually hit me up via email because my aim screen name is under exclusive mode, so i have to add you before you can IM me, or i wont appear on your list at all.

take carez hun, hope things work out for you

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
SKY Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 15:53:14
I'm sorry about all this, Serene. Fcukhash and I kind of lost track of the real problem, with his rude behavior and me responding back in the like. I'm not sure who said this earlier, but it seems to be the best consolation at this point. Whatever happens, Serene, will happen, and will happen for a reason. Just keep your chin up and enjoy the ride. Your parents don't know about your boyfriend, so thinking that you have no one in mind, they select for you. I think you should tell them that you have someone that might be interested. Don't bring in the religion bit. If your boyfriend has agreed to convert, and he's 100% sure, just lie about it and say he's already a Muslim. That's pretty bad, but you can ask for forgiveness after you're married.

Good luck with everything. If you need someone to talk to outside of this forum, our AIM sns are listed in our profiles. (Our meaning Shea and Sky. We're not affiliated with anyone else here.)

Shea Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 15:43:27
serene, wer just saying show your parents the proof so you are not frced into it. Hey, if your bf seems sure about it and you guys are IN love, then hey, more power to ya!

i wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
Serene Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 11:53:03

That doesn't help...

Thanks otherwise for all the advice, I mean...yes I know the net is dodgy etc etc... but I have been talking to my bf over the phone and he seems so sure about wanting to be with me. So I'm not sure how else to prove myself to him.

I've emailed the CommonWealth office to see if they can help me out. Let's hope eh?

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Shea Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 03:53:12
well well well

there you have it folks, scientific stuff right there! sky wins this one. so yeah... if you want to bring religion into this, please dont, talk it over in the religion thread. This way, we wont have a flame war going on. and Fcuk Hash, look, his comments were no where as offensive to you as yours was to him... so please watch what you type.

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
SKY Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 03:50:06
Adult incest has been notable in royal dynasties, probably in order to help concentrate wealth and political influence within the family (historical evidence suggests that this practice actually weakened the genetic makeup of elite society family lines, resulting in abnormally high occurrences of rare genetic defects and diseases).

Children of incestuous relations face social stigma and emotional trauma. There is a popular belief that incest results in physically or mentally deformed children, although this is a vast oversimplification. Inbreeding (which may occur through incestuous or non-incestuous relations) results in an increase in homozygocity, that is, the same allele at the same locus on both members of a chromosome pair. This occurs because close relatives are more likely to share more alleles than nonrelated individuals. If an individual has an allele linked to a congenital birth-defect, it is likely that close relatives also have this allele; a homozygote would express the congenital birth defect. If an individual does not have such an allele, a homozygote would be healthy.

In small populations this dynamic would lead to an initial increase in birth defects. But if health care is limited, it is likely that such children would not reproduce; consequently, the frequencies for the allele in question would go down. Ultimately the result would be a population with a large number of homozygotes and a small number of congenital birth defects. In large populations with good health care, however, it is likely that there will be consistently high levels of heterozygosity despite periodic inbreeding. Consequently the alleles linked to congenital birth defects will remain in the population, with a significant chance of a homozygote with the linked allele.

Here, just some stuff I found. It's not by me. Just because it's allowed in Islam doesn't make it a ritual that you HAVE to perform. There are other choices.

Shea bro, there's no point in one upping a religious fanatic.

Shea Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 03:19:20
Hash, i think you need to cool it! You too sky.

look hash, you can kiss allah or god or whatever your worship to all you want... but we live in a time of science. And yes, first blood marriages DO infact cause genetic defects so shush before you talk. And sky went to Hunter High school and i went to bronx science, kids from out schools have graduated and won nobel prizes in math, biology, and physics amongst other stuff, so yeah, we went to good schools. also, if you believe in god, thats great, but this isn;t about religion... if you want to discuss religion, go to the religion thread. Sky and myself are talking about the scientific back up through this whole thing.

'nuff said...

I'm in love with you (so in love)
I'm in love with you (I'm so in love)
I'm in love with you... with you
BaByRaZ Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 00:46:11
lololol...Hash u sed it rite....

BaByRaZ Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 00:43:12
erm... Sky i kno iv herd bout d risks of avin a baby in relation orwateva... but i also biliv dat Allah swt has created evryfin... all tings in heaven n on earth!!

It is our belief dat Allah swt does not do any harm 2 us nor does He oppress us.

we shud b apy d way we r n b grateful4 wat we get!!!

FCUK_HASH Posted - 26 Mar 2004 : 00:43:03
ok f*** the science! i know it aint perfect, but owz this then...
“God fashioned humans from a clinging entity.” Qur’an, 96:2
“I fashioned the clinging entity into a chewed lump of flesh and I fashioned the chewed flesh into bones and I clothed the bones with intact flesh.” Qur’an, 23:14
“I fashioned (humans) a clinging entity, then into a lump of flesh in proportion and out of proportion.” Qur’an, 22:5
“... and (God) gave you ears, eyes and hearts.” Qur’an, 32:9

so god made u how u are..and how everyone iz! he decides who haz genetic disorder n who has disabilities! he decides if we av 1 eye or 2 eyes, if we av 2 legs or 3 legs, n if we av a face like a pig (mentioning no names)

and it is haraam to marry sum 1 of blood relations, and ur dads sisters son aint 1 of them, so if it waz wrong and caused u think allah wud av made it halaal?

so f*** u and f*** ur genetic counseling aiight!

Take that n rewind it back, HASH got da rymes to make ur booty go "clap" - Asian Forum © Asian Forum
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