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Sweetie Posted - 23 Jan 2004 : 09:52:08

y do parents force ther kids 2 get married.....? it causes tention n they decide 2 run from their probs...... then every1 makes a big deal out of it...... wat can ppl do about it????? its not sumthin that happens jus 2 girls it also happens 2 guys.......

30   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
Inaya Posted - 21 Apr 2004 : 17:31:25
i dnt think their rite, ppl have a rite 2 make there own decisions n specially who there gona spend wid da rest of their lives..

Fáshîôñ îs ôñ ôû® mîñds, ßéîñ ©û±îës îs ôû® kîñd, §ô s±ëp ásîdé áñd lë± ûs ±h®ô , Cûz î±s áll ábôû± më áñd my Cû±ë Åss C®ëw!
Mister Relaxed Posted - 15 Apr 2004 : 19:08:13
ive got a little section in the forced marriages topic in the general discussion section "sweetie"..think you might find it quite beneficial...

"Lifes easy when you're me"
BengaLTiger Posted - 15 Apr 2004 : 17:12:31
Sound advise from an equally sound woman, my respects well earned fatima. Keep it up!!

//////////////// [BengalTiger ] ////////////////
fatimaRocks Posted - 15 Apr 2004 : 17:06:37
i think you should just be honest with your parents. ask them if they want to see you unhappy and tell them what you want. but remember marriage is for life. your parents think with their head and whereas you may think with your heart which isn't always safe in the world we live in. parents look out for you...they don't want to hurt you on purpose......they are litterally the only ones you can trust in this world. blood is thicker than water. we live in a harsh world.
ALISHA_NIQ Posted - 15 Apr 2004 : 11:58:48
Hi Guys

Let me put one thing right. People mix their terminology. Arranged marriages and forced marriages are two total different things. An arranged marriage is normally done with the consent of both parties. I had an arranged marriage and my parents asked me if i was happy with it before they said yes. A forced marriage is when the marriage is arranged without the consent of both parties. Now this is totally wrong, its all in the name of honour and that. It is also very much an emotional blackmail, the fact that if you don't go through with it, your parents will get 'badnaam' and you will be seen as the black sheep in the family. Also in some cases you will be disowned by your family (trust me i have seen this happen). Forced marriages are also against the principles of Islam and many other faiths.

For those westernised people out there saying 'Na, parents are wrong' i would say there are only a few parents out there who force their child to marry against their will. The majority of parents who go about arranging a marriage will consent their child and then go ahead with it. In this parents will follow their head and their heart whereas the youngsters tend to follow their heart. My parents arranged my marriage after i had finished university and started a full time job. And (touch wood) God Bless i am very happy.

I am only 24 (may soound old to some), i have been born n bred in this country and see it as home. What I have not done is give up my beliefs and the culture my parents come from, as this forms my identity. Apneh youngsters think they are 'all that' these days, with the belief 'its my life n i will live it the way i want to'. Fine do just that, but don't give up your identity to fit in. You need your deen and duniya in order to prosper in life.

Forced marriages are wrong but arranged marriages are long as they are done with consent. And there is nothing wrong with a love match either. With any relationship, some work out, some don't. But it does not neccesarily mean parents are to blame.

Live and Let live
BengaLTiger Posted - 15 Apr 2004 : 03:53:35
I agree with whatever is being said! lol! just going along, and hitching a ride on your thoughts and opinions on this matter. Lazy me!

//////////////// [BengalTiger ] ////////////////
ClueLeSs Posted - 15 Apr 2004 : 03:49:44
well i think the term forced marriage is more emotional than physical.Fair enough u dont get physically forced but emtoinally you are torn betrween whats right and whats wrong....and when there are parents n relatives insisting on it is when confusion kicks dont know what to do....your parents have loved you all their life...brought you up, gave u food to eat clothes to keep you warm, gave you teh comfort and security of life....and here u are throwing everything back in their faces....i think in some cases sisters feel that they shud show their parents gratitude in this way...which is obviously the wrong way....the main problem that persists in these situations are the communication barriers between the parent and the son/daughter.....if there is a level of understanding then inshallah the parents will be willing to compromise if there isn't then hmmm i'll come bak to that one.....anywayz inn society the percentage of forced marriages has decreased here....showing that perhaps we are getting that level of understanding between parent and child that there should be.....and i can say much more but i don't want to bore the living daylights out of u poor folks.....whoevers in this situation...BE STRONG AND HAVE FAITH! (and sorry for the atrocious spelling....dont have the patience to edit it
london-finest Posted - 29 Mar 2004 : 11:12:21
well rani is some how right i wouldent say forcemarrige is what u called force marrige coz u sort of have a choise and when u are forced to do someting against ur ill just tell ur parents try and explain to them maybe u are not ready for a big responsibility, or the person they want u to get married to is not right for u tell em that its your life and u have to live with it for the rest of your lives,, and if it dont work out then u will hold them ie your parents repsonsible for putting you in this situation. now i have advised this to some of my frnds gal frnds and guy frnds and it did work
longi_nai Posted - 28 Mar 2004 : 20:52:24

hmm..yea parents who urge to thier child( uslauly a gal) tomarry sumone where they r obviously objecting is kindda worng. i,mean how do they expect their child to live in happniess in such situations, instead they run the risk of child runnign away..or gettin nvolved in realationships which they otheriwse would not have. using the gulit trip is a classic example:'wat will our relatives n the people if u dotn mrry this guy n bring him over to Uk etc'- that takes the piss.

i sympathise wi da parents to a certain extent, in dat they r so scared their kids will mes sup n get bf or gf tha they try n get emamrrid. i can see y, but wel..hmm..not always the best thing to do.

on the otehr hand u hav kids claiming that they av been forced into marrige, when realy the silly gits put up no protest at all n instead wait till after marrige go to teh prss n make a hoo haa, whilke at the same time messing up the lives of the person they married. easy solution. it all depends on the family n the individual,n the situation itself. hard to make a general comment

cannyshah Posted - 28 Mar 2004 : 19:06:38
very rare case it happen when parents get force chlids to marry .. i strongly agree with rani.. she say
"they got forced to get married but how? did some one actually hold a gun to their head and say say kobul 3 times or rlse im gonna shoot. why does the girl get all dressed up for also says kobul 3 times and takes the marriage vows. in the bridal dress and everything . also signs but later say she got forced to get married. thats one thing i don understand . unless some one holds a knife to ur throat or says im gonna shoot u if u dont marry then in my books it isnt a force marriage"
Honey Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 23:12:22
its better to love then never love at all as they say and i agree with rani forced marriages do not exist and you have to think that in this day and age what is forced? you do not know about the spuse at all and are shown them and told to marry them? you have a choice to say no even at the risk of loosing everything....but your life.

NitrouSS Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 19:43:33
well i dont want a arranged marriage ill rather look for a girl i like have a good relationship and end up marrying her
Rani Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 19:29:52
lol nitrousss hahaaa . khushi u said that parents decision is allways right but how is that? what if the person they set u up with u dont know them right how do u know u can live stay with that person trust that person? i dont know . honey does have a point about forced marriages and asians adapting to the western culture, i don think in future the forced or arranged marriages will even exist

ThE BeAuTy Of LiFe DoEs NoT DePeNd On HoW hApPy U r, BuT oN hOw HaPpY OtHeRs CaN b BeCaUsE oF YoU
NitrouSS Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 17:53:20
just look into their eyes...


and say...


Then start running and scream BACHAOOOOOO !!!!!

Honey Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 16:31:43

hi all! On the topic of forced marriages i think that we need to take into account that as asians becomes more adapted to western culture, forced marriages will no longer be an issue.

I think sometimes with asian parents the world is moving forward yet they are stuck in time warp of their own -and essentially try and put that on their offspring. I do think however as children we do have the knowledge to turn this around. It probably is hurtful and can break families up but I suppose the only way things will change is if parents look at the bigger picture.

It has never happened but i am fortunate to have parents who are not set in their ways.

khushi Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 16:20:26
maybe not
depends on parents as well

~~ aai re aai re khushi ~~

admin Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 15:53:49
is that true kushi? what do y'all think?

"Still thinking of a signature!"
khushi Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 13:39:17
at the end of the day
parents decision are always rite

~~ aai re aai re khushi ~~

whizzkid8 Posted - 17 Mar 2004 : 12:38:50
forced marriages are against islam. its just the old culture that our parents are used to. the best fing is to marry a person who your parents are happy with. try to keep your parents happy but end of the day, it is your choice as islam allows you to choose your spouse.
admin Posted - 16 Mar 2004 : 11:33:19
rani u evil woman!
Rani Posted - 15 Mar 2004 : 21:26:32
admin ji never i don wanna get forced married that isnt a marriage, ill tell my parents look i aint readyyy or i dont like the guy simple if they don agree ill use blackmail on them also emotional hahaa

ThE BeAuTy Of LiFe DoEs NoT DePeNd On HoW hApPy U r, BuT oN hOw HaPpY OtHeRs CaN b BeCaUsE oF YoU
admin Posted - 02 Feb 2004 : 22:59:31
when u planning on getting forced rani?
Rani Posted - 30 Jan 2004 : 00:10:21
emotional blackmail i hate that sooo muchhhhhh grrrrr. well i dont have a heart so emotional blackmail probably wotn work on me. then again ive never been in that situation yet. when or if i do ill let u know . lol hopefully i wont
admin Posted - 29 Jan 2004 : 22:00:13
its not as easy as u make it sound rani ji!

Parents use emotional blackmail, and when u have a heart as soft as snow u try to do it for their best interest. When under pressure you can make decisions against you will as your emotions control you. sometimes the strongest mind can have the weakest heart. and sometimes you feel the world is against your decision and u decide to listen to the world instead of following ur own heart... i don't think i can exlain it properly but its a lot to do with the emotional states abd being vulnerable to manipulation.
Rani Posted - 29 Jan 2004 : 15:02:08
well i hate forced marriages but one thing right people say they got forced to get married but how? did some one actually hold a gun to their head and say say kobul 3 times or rlse im gonna shoot. why does the girl get all dressed up for also says kobul 3 times and takes the marriage vows. in the bridal dress and everything . also signs but later say she got forced to get married. thats one thing i don understand . unless some one holds a knife to ur throat or says im gonna shoot u if u dont marry then in my books it isnt a force marriage
admin Posted - 28 Jan 2004 : 17:36:45
just look into their eyes...


and say...


Then start running and scream BACHAOOOOOO!!!!!
fazzy Posted - 28 Jan 2004 : 13:45:45
NOPE i aint..... n i hpe i neva will be.....dnt kno wat id do if i wer in dat situation.....

*.*Faz*.* :)
admin Posted - 26 Jan 2004 : 11:26:05
Anyone here been in this situation before? I HAVE!
fazzy Posted - 23 Jan 2004 : 14:56:40
bt those decisions made by the parents end up bein pain 4 dem...they begin 2 regret it....n blame their i must say parrents decisions r changing...their begining 2 realise that tyms r changing......which iz good.... bt i also think that evn if the kid is appy wid his/her marriage things dont always work out... its jus d way it is....

*.*Faz*.* :)
admin Posted - 23 Jan 2004 : 14:03:01
because parents know whats best for their children - or they think they do because where they came from that was the norm. The kids in the UK have been brought up with different mind-sets and values which clashes with the parents way of thinking. And parents can be very stubborn in the way they think - not much chance of changing they way they thank as thats how they have been programmed since childhood! Am i making any sense at all?! lol - Asian Forum © Asian Forum
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